2010

It's 2010. It's the end of a decade.

That seems very weird in a lot of ways. It just seems like a date that was once so far out there, like maybe a time that The Jetsons lived in, right?
My how time flies.

Last night was a very low key night. I had sushi and Japanese beer with a new friend.
Then, I welcomed in the New Year by sitting in my purple chair, in my PJs, in the company of Fiona, my roommate of two years who will be moving away this year, and her cat.
We watched all of the hideous music on the Dick Clark/Ryan Seacrest NYE special and did the countdown til the ball dropped.
It was nice and relaxing. And I was perfectly content and happy with giving Fiona a kiss at midnight.

As I look back on 2009, there was some bad...but there was a lot of good too. I'll call it the good, the bad, and the ugly.
Let's get the bad out of the way first.

The Bad:
I was in love for the first time in my life. Really, truly, in love.
I had my heart broken...crushed...for the first time in my life.
I realized what being heartbroken really means. It's not just a state of mental sadness or a simple figure of speech. They call it a broken heart because your heart literally aches. Your chest actually has this pressure that is real.
From this experience I have learned not to let people affect me so deeply. I will be more alert to "bad" people and I will stay away from them.
I will be more cautious of who I let in my life.
I will keep my heart confined and I wont let it feel so freely.
I will keep one foot on the ground.
Never let anyone ever tell you that your expectations are too high. Because that's just not possible. Expect someone to "be alive when you need them the most".
I will "stop running from the past that makes [me] weak".
At present, I'm at a state of "I hate men" attitude. But maybe that will change in 2010. If it's supposed to, it will.
They, whoever "they" are, say that it's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. I'm not agreeing or disagreeing with that right now. It is what it is.

"I'm learning to fly, but I ain't got wings.
Coming down is the hardest thing.
Some say life will beat you down, break your heart, steal your crown"- Tom Petty
"That's when I said I'll need more than you can offer me. But I miss your face as you can tell. I hope my absence makes you well." - M.Kano

The Ugly:
I learned a lot about people in general over the year.
Some people can really surprise you. People can be so ugly. So ugly on the inside yet so beautiful on the outside. Sometimes you think you know someone inside and out because you've known them for years. But the truth is, you never really knew them at all.
You just saw the parts you liked and you saw their showy outside. I learned the need to really discover people. Discover if they're the forgiving type or if they hold grudges. Discover if they are truly your friend and will be there throughout everything, good and bad, or if they will be the ones that say "I told you so" and walk away.
As hard as it might be, try to not just know someone, but get to know their heart. Become familiar with their inner working before its too late and you're the one who ends up getting hurt. Sometimes it might be your best friend who ends up being that one that you really never knew.
Love one another. Because you never know what may happen from one day to the other. Do as best you can not to have any regrets. If there's something about a person you dislike, try hard to see the good. And try to never say things you may regret.

"It dont matter to the sun if you go or if you stay. No, the sun is gonna rise, shine down on another day. There will be a tomorrow even if you choose to leave. It dont matter to the moon if you're not in my life. No, the moon will just keep hangin' 'round like its just another night. -Rosie Thomas

I also learned how badly people can take you and what you do for them for granted. I realized that if you work so hard for someone and believe in someone, whether is be a band, a person, a thing, and put all of your time and effort in them, they can just decide to leave you high and dry at the end of it all. Leaving you there, no credit given, no 'thank you for what you've done to help us get this far', nothing. So I've learned to be more cautious of who I give my time to. Be mindful that you're doing things for you and for people who wholeheartedly care about you. Dont waste your time on ANYONE who doesnt appreciate you. Spend time on what and who really matters.

"knowing when to hang on, knowing when to let go, knowing when, knowing which is the hardest part." -J.Chapman
"letting go, letting go, let it go" - J.Chapman
"you can loose it all, walking on Broadway" - M.Kano

The Good:
I got an AMAZING little friend, my sidekick, Fiona. (May 29)
She's one of the best things that's ever come into my life. She's helped me and changed me in so many ways.
It's tough for some to imagine that a little 10 pound, four legged, dog can be something so powerful.
She has a spark in her and has shared that spark with me.
I'm looking forward to many many more years with her.

I somehow managed to make it another year, living on my own.
Here, at the Purple Door, is where I belong for a least another year. I've fallen in love with this place. It's got so much character and well, it's got a purple door.
It's the first place I've ever lived aside from my parents place. So, maybe that's why I'm a little attached. I'm looking forward to spending 2010 here.
And, I love Charlotte. While other cities are appealing, this one is for me. For one, I'm very close to my family. And I couldn't imagine moving away from them and not being able to see my parents on a regular basis.

"It's a tight & twisted road. We've got a long, long way to go. Though we might not see the end, on the way, we're unafraid." -J.Chapman

Some movies I saw in the theatre in 2009:
-Marley and Me
-Yes Man
-Gran Torino
-Bride Wars (twice)
-Hannah Montana
-Hotel For Dogs
-Earth
-State of Play
-StarTrek
-August Rush
-The Hangover
-500 Days of Summer
-This Is It
-Everybodys Fine

I had Ethiopian food for the first time (2/28)!

On the top of my list of best days of 2009 was being FRONT row for Sir Paul McCartney on August 15.
And to top the cake, making eye contact with the man several times. Seeing him smile and look at me as I was jumping to 'I Saw Her Standing There' was surreal. Both of us, perhaps imagining being on that EXACT date...44 year prior...at Shea Stadium. Him, as already experiencing it and being reminded of it by the songs, the smiling sometimes screaming faces, and me just imagining what it must have been like.
It was a day I'll never forget.

We lost one of the greatest performers ever, Michael Jackson, on June 25.
He is such a legend and was such a huge icon.
I know people have different views on him. But for me, he stood for outstanding talent, honestly, and he was a caring man.
It was one of those times where you'll never forget where you were and what you were doing when you heard the news.
It's truly a sadness and will leave a deep scar on the music industry and people all over, and in their hearts. I'm considering this a good. Because I'm not looking at this as losing a wonderful entertainer, but I'm looking at the effect he had and the memories, songs, and dance moves he left behind for us.

My photography hobby turned into getting some paid gigs. I shot my first 'family portrait' session, I did an engagement shoot, and I actually shot my first wedding.
And after all of this, I realized that live band photography is still my forte.
That said, I'm always up for all kinds of shoots. So...if you need me... just sayin'!

My "real" job is great. 2010 will make it FIVE years! I'm happy of what I've accomplished and I'm happy to be there. I've got a great work environment and I like the people I have to be around everyday. I wont lie. Of course there are days where I wake up and dont want to go. But that's not because I hate my job. It just that I love my home and the bed is just so warm!
Triple S is great. Lots of hard work but that's what keeps me going. 2010 will be a good year for Triple S. I have such dedication and drive for this and I enjoy it. I'm happy with my accomplishments here as well. I've been able to hang in there and keep pressing forward and I'm proud of myself for that. It's something I'm serious about and I intend to keep growing.
Always learning, always growing, is succeeding.

I love live music...STILL. That's for sure.
The (approximate) number of bands/shows I saw/went to in 2009:
230
Yes, I write everything down in my daily planner. And yes, I just DID go back and count.
Ridiculous, I know.

There's so much more I could say about 2009. But, I'll leave it at that.
It's time to move on and have a fresh start to 2010.

"These things will change. These walls that they put up to hold us back will fall down." -T. Swift

For 2010, I will strive to do the right things and be a better person. I will do good things that make myself happy and that in turn will make the ones who are truly my friends happy. It will not be a year for worrying about what other people think or doing things just to please others.
I will be the best daughter, dog owner, friend, and worker that I can be. I will strive to be true and honest in all things.
And that will be enough.
I still live by the words of 'Radiance' like I did when I was fifteen. I can relate to every word, even still. Maybe more so now.

"Know yourself better than your favorite book on that shelf; you are more than what you seem to be." - M.Kano

Be fearless.

“"FEARLESS” is not the absence of fear. It’s not being completely unafraid. FEARLESS is having fears. FEARLESS is having doubts. FEARLESS is living in spite of those things that scare you to death. FEARLESS is falling madly in love again, even though you’ve been hurt before. FEARLESS is getting back up and fighting for what you want over and over again…even though every time you’ve tried before, you’ve lost. It’s FEARLESS to have faith that someday things will change. FEARLESS is having the courage to say goodbye to someone who only hurts you, even if you can’t breathe without them. And when someone apologizes to you enough times for things they’ll never stop doing, it’s FEARLESS to stop believing them. It’s FEARLESS to say “you’re NOT sorry”, and walk away. Loving someone despite what people think is FEARLESS. Allowing yourself to cry on the bathroom floor is FEARLESS. Letting go is FEARLESS. Then, moving on and being alright…that’s FEARLESS too. But no matter what love throws at you, you have to believe in it. You have to believe in love stories and prince charming and happily ever after. Love is FEARLESS." -T.Swift

It's 2010. It's the beginning of a decade.